The first is Man and Wife
(Dennis Hopper and his wife Victoria Duffy, April 12,1996)
Second is Dead
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Thought for today
Only twice in your life do they pronounce you:
The first is Man and Wife
(Dennis Hopper and his wife Victoria Duffy, April 12,1996)
Second is Dead
The first is Man and Wife
(Dennis Hopper and his wife Victoria Duffy, April 12,1996)
Second is Dead
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Life (Re)Cycle!!
I am bored with life...there is nothing exciting happening at all.What exactly is the definition of exciting? is it the presence of a really challenging job or is it something like your work environment is located in a jungle and you have to get through all the peril to get to your cubicle??
well frankly speaking i dont mind either of the choices...the second would be physically exciting though..and much more challenging. Imagine riding on crocodiles to get across the river, playing with lion cubs, wrestling with a bear all on your way to work and way back from work and to top it all you would be fit n trim:-) (personally would get of this excess fat)...and if it is the former, then it would wake up my completely dormant brain.
Wish I was a some paper or plastic at times..which could be recycled and start life all over again...atleast the first 21 yrs of my life (till my college ended) can be classified as exciting for sure - what with all the fights, romance (mind you- no running arnd trees like in bollywood), flirting ,how could you say life was dull then...each day presented a new challenge of some kind. The only time it was dull was when exam set in...but then again i found a challenge there...staying up the whole night and cramming and understanding stuff for the first time in a semester for the particular subject...what could be more challenging and in this case it was a fight against time....wonder what i would have been if ever i studied like that the whole semester...class topper...??hmmm..intersting thought..but no regrets so far..absolutely not..!!I am happy the way things went for me in college especially..!and one thing i am really proud of is...that i scraped thru (right word) all the semesters without getting a suplee ever..!!(a pat on my own back for the same;-)) Anyway all thats over...................sheesh...really dont mind going back in time just for enjoying those 4 glorious years specially.............................
This weekend planning to hire car again and go on another road trip to
Lake District
Nothing finalised yet. But planning still going on.......
well frankly speaking i dont mind either of the choices...the second would be physically exciting though..and much more challenging. Imagine riding on crocodiles to get across the river, playing with lion cubs, wrestling with a bear all on your way to work and way back from work and to top it all you would be fit n trim:-) (personally would get of this excess fat)...and if it is the former, then it would wake up my completely dormant brain.
Wish I was a some paper or plastic at times..which could be recycled and start life all over again...atleast the first 21 yrs of my life (till my college ended) can be classified as exciting for sure - what with all the fights, romance (mind you- no running arnd trees like in bollywood), flirting ,how could you say life was dull then...each day presented a new challenge of some kind. The only time it was dull was when exam set in...but then again i found a challenge there...staying up the whole night and cramming and understanding stuff for the first time in a semester for the particular subject...what could be more challenging and in this case it was a fight against time....wonder what i would have been if ever i studied like that the whole semester...class topper...??hmmm..intersting thought..but no regrets so far..absolutely not..!!I am happy the way things went for me in college especially..!and one thing i am really proud of is...that i scraped thru (right word) all the semesters without getting a suplee ever..!!(a pat on my own back for the same;-)) Anyway all thats over...................sheesh...really dont mind going back in time just for enjoying those 4 glorious years specially.............................
This weekend planning to hire car again and go on another road trip to
Lake District
Nothing finalised yet. But planning still going on.......
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Fate!!
Its so funny. The way fate plays it games...sometime real dirty. At times you are so close to achieving a goal that you even have anticipatory celebrations but then "sudden twist of fate" and you are embarassed beyond belief...you are disgraced!!you feel like jumping out of the window not knowing what to do. After all the blood n sweat that was shed to achieve the target, now you lie down there thinking what went wrong. Y could not things just be the way it was and had been going on all this while....there are no answers...none to help you!! In this evil world you are all alone when you take the brunt.
I still remember this vivid incident way back in 1991, somewhere in November. I was in the 6th Std. and it was the Annual Sports Day in my school . Since the day i had seen one of my cousin sisters get the individual championship cup , that had become my dream - To hold that cup some day (to this day i have not been able to achieve that). And in my child mind, as always, i thought then that this was the year i had the biggest chance to become the individual champion. I was all excited and had practiced sprints n jumps for almost a month in Doha Corniche tugging my dad along with me every night to record my timings for the sprint and to measure my jumps.
And boy finally the D-day arrived. Annual sports meet 1991-1992. I was all set. Clad in Yellow shorts and t-shirt i went to school all ready to lift the cup of my dreams.
(I was in the yellow house. The entire school was divided into 4 colours - red, blue, green, yellow). I had reached school pretty early and few of my class mates had also arrived. We decided to practice before the actual events kicked off...and we did small sprints. And i was very elated coz in all these practice sessions i was emerging the winner with the best time and best jumps...my joy knew no bounds...!!I already started dreaming of the final function when i would be handed the cup.
The bell rang for the school assembly and while the students were gathering for the assembly, me and a couple of my friends decided to do one last practice before everythin commenced.
We got ready at the start line and swoosh...we ran and my leg got tangled with another friend of mine "Syed jaffer"..and i fell on the cemented floor..BAM!!my hand was smarting in pain...and my friends came running around to seeif i was ok!!I stood up bravely just shunnin them away sayin nothin could go wrong with me..!!I was not going to loose that cup of mine for anything in this world.
The events started. The first was the 100 meters dash qualifiers, i made it thru till the semifinals. Then was the 200 meters for which i had made it thru till the final. For long jump, though weighing nearly 50 kilos(over weight for a 6std. guy), my efforts did not go in vain. I got a bronze medal for the same.
I knew I was nearing my goal. all i had to get was probably a gold each in 100 mts and 200 mts and probably a silver for the 800 meters which was my last event. Any student was allowed to participate only in 4 individual events of which not more than 3 could belong to a particular category (so i had 3 track and 1 jump event).
My hand was writhing in pain all the while. I kept quiet. I could not make a fuss of the pain and get myself out of the race when i saw my chances of gettin the cup were very bright.
The 800mts was my last event. The finals of the 100 mts and semi n finals of the 200 mts was scheduled for the next day. I realised getting a silver in the 800 would vey well guarantee the cup. The race started. I completed one circle round the track(400 mts) comfortably. i was in the third or forth position and i had plans of accelerating in the last 100 mts or so...and i was nearing the last 100 mts..my hand was beginning to pain real bad...and the heat (somewhere round 30 degrees) was almost getting into me...my vision blurred...but i was not to give up...i needed that cup..i could not give up after comin so far...i kept running...and in the last 50 meters or so...i collapsed on the track...i fainted........................
Afte 5 min, i felt sprinkles of water on my face. Rubbin my eyes, wrist paining real bad, i got up and from the corner of my eyes i saw the medals being given away for the 800 metres and i knew i had lost it...i started crying. my mom( who is the vice-priniciapl of my school) was next to me and thought that i was cryin in pain. and i looked at my left hand and saw that there was a huge swell on my wrist..i was sent to the hospital in the school bus by my mom and by the time i reached hospital , dad had also reached the hospital.
The doctor took an x-ray and checked. I had Goddamned fractured my wrist. It was just a small crack butt due to lack of giving attention at the right time and having lifted weights and did long jump too , the fracture had become worse.
I got my first dose of scolding from the doctor for not coming to the hospital straight away. (who in the world would have thought that such a normal fall would result in a fracture...if i listened to his words...i would have been in hospital everyday every hour of my school life..i guess;-))
And then i got the second dose of scolding from my dad for trying to act smart. He even asked me if i was Carl Lewis or not...
I had no answer.......Maybe not Carl Lewis but then , upto even this day I maintain that I could have been the Individual Champion for the Sub-junior category in 1991 in my school...........and who knows how my fate would have been then.......
I still remember this vivid incident way back in 1991, somewhere in November. I was in the 6th Std. and it was the Annual Sports Day in my school . Since the day i had seen one of my cousin sisters get the individual championship cup , that had become my dream - To hold that cup some day (to this day i have not been able to achieve that). And in my child mind, as always, i thought then that this was the year i had the biggest chance to become the individual champion. I was all excited and had practiced sprints n jumps for almost a month in Doha Corniche tugging my dad along with me every night to record my timings for the sprint and to measure my jumps.
And boy finally the D-day arrived. Annual sports meet 1991-1992. I was all set. Clad in Yellow shorts and t-shirt i went to school all ready to lift the cup of my dreams.
(I was in the yellow house. The entire school was divided into 4 colours - red, blue, green, yellow). I had reached school pretty early and few of my class mates had also arrived. We decided to practice before the actual events kicked off...and we did small sprints. And i was very elated coz in all these practice sessions i was emerging the winner with the best time and best jumps...my joy knew no bounds...!!I already started dreaming of the final function when i would be handed the cup.
The bell rang for the school assembly and while the students were gathering for the assembly, me and a couple of my friends decided to do one last practice before everythin commenced.
We got ready at the start line and swoosh...we ran and my leg got tangled with another friend of mine "Syed jaffer"..and i fell on the cemented floor..BAM!!my hand was smarting in pain...and my friends came running around to seeif i was ok!!I stood up bravely just shunnin them away sayin nothin could go wrong with me..!!I was not going to loose that cup of mine for anything in this world.
The events started. The first was the 100 meters dash qualifiers, i made it thru till the semifinals. Then was the 200 meters for which i had made it thru till the final. For long jump, though weighing nearly 50 kilos(over weight for a 6std. guy), my efforts did not go in vain. I got a bronze medal for the same.
I knew I was nearing my goal. all i had to get was probably a gold each in 100 mts and 200 mts and probably a silver for the 800 meters which was my last event. Any student was allowed to participate only in 4 individual events of which not more than 3 could belong to a particular category (so i had 3 track and 1 jump event).
My hand was writhing in pain all the while. I kept quiet. I could not make a fuss of the pain and get myself out of the race when i saw my chances of gettin the cup were very bright.
The 800mts was my last event. The finals of the 100 mts and semi n finals of the 200 mts was scheduled for the next day. I realised getting a silver in the 800 would vey well guarantee the cup. The race started. I completed one circle round the track(400 mts) comfortably. i was in the third or forth position and i had plans of accelerating in the last 100 mts or so...and i was nearing the last 100 mts..my hand was beginning to pain real bad...and the heat (somewhere round 30 degrees) was almost getting into me...my vision blurred...but i was not to give up...i needed that cup..i could not give up after comin so far...i kept running...and in the last 50 meters or so...i collapsed on the track...i fainted........................
Afte 5 min, i felt sprinkles of water on my face. Rubbin my eyes, wrist paining real bad, i got up and from the corner of my eyes i saw the medals being given away for the 800 metres and i knew i had lost it...i started crying. my mom( who is the vice-priniciapl of my school) was next to me and thought that i was cryin in pain. and i looked at my left hand and saw that there was a huge swell on my wrist..i was sent to the hospital in the school bus by my mom and by the time i reached hospital , dad had also reached the hospital.
The doctor took an x-ray and checked. I had Goddamned fractured my wrist. It was just a small crack butt due to lack of giving attention at the right time and having lifted weights and did long jump too , the fracture had become worse.
I got my first dose of scolding from the doctor for not coming to the hospital straight away. (who in the world would have thought that such a normal fall would result in a fracture...if i listened to his words...i would have been in hospital everyday every hour of my school life..i guess;-))
And then i got the second dose of scolding from my dad for trying to act smart. He even asked me if i was Carl Lewis or not...
I had no answer.......Maybe not Carl Lewis but then , upto even this day I maintain that I could have been the Individual Champion for the Sub-junior category in 1991 in my school...........and who knows how my fate would have been then.......
Dammit!!
Its 1 am in the morning and i am still working. Thankfully these guys have given a laptop coz of which i have the luxury of working at home.
Else imagine sitting in the office at such unearthly hours and working your ass out and just today when Kolli had called I was bragging that there was not much work for me to do and i was just whistling away time many a days. Its quite funny the way work proceeds here. At times you are burdened with so much work that you have no time to breathe or think for that matter and at other times you just lie around asking people for work.......and getting bored so much so that you begine to think you are on a paid Holiday here in Edinburgh.....!!
Dammit!!another job failed..........................................
Else imagine sitting in the office at such unearthly hours and working your ass out and just today when Kolli had called I was bragging that there was not much work for me to do and i was just whistling away time many a days. Its quite funny the way work proceeds here. At times you are burdened with so much work that you have no time to breathe or think for that matter and at other times you just lie around asking people for work.......and getting bored so much so that you begine to think you are on a paid Holiday here in Edinburgh.....!!
Dammit!!another job failed..........................................
Monday, July 19, 2004
FRIENDS!!
Found this in Sankar's blog and tried it out.
really time pass stuff and makes sense if you are one of those fans of the FRIENDS series on TV.
I'm Chandler Bing from Friends!
Take the Friends Quiz here.
created by
stomps.
really time pass stuff and makes sense if you are one of those fans of the FRIENDS series on TV.
I'm Chandler Bing from Friends!
Take the Friends Quiz here.
created by
stomps.
Brotherhood
This past weekend, I had another wonderful experience. I re-lived my childhood once again. At my uncle's place , their very close family friends had come over and these ppl had a kid - Sumi . A 2.5 yr old adorable little baby.
Friday entire evening and Sunday till i left Glasgow, she was with me. a real adorable kid. She had long curly locks reachin upto her waist, big round eyes and her tongue was a mile long...!!the spark struck between us the moment i arrived. she got close to me very fast. Soon we were playing Hide n seek, cats n rats, cooking, takin care of baby, house-house..and all possible games that she was conjuring up in her playful little mind. And i just sync'ed with her and went on. It was an amazing feeling just to see that glimmer in her eyes and the smile and laughter coming from a clean pure heart, just tingles in you and even now i can hear her laughter..so innocent..so full..!! We even played Horse and elephant:-)
At a particular moment i felt really bad that i had not been a good brother to my own sister Remya. She was born in 1989, December 2nd when i was almost 9 yrs old. And for me at that point,it was like my kingdom, where i had been supreme king for 8.5 long years...all of a sudden it was being snatched away by this person who had just come into the world. The intial days were filled with rivalry and hatred esp when the entire attention of every other family member..(who upto this point had none else to pamper but me) was turned to her. I just could not tolerate it. There were moments when i used to lock myself up in the room and cry for being ignored, for being thrown out of the lime-light. This was too much of a change for a 9 yr old boy. However as time went by and she started growing up,i started liking her rather loving her. The elder-brother-should-protect-young-sister feeling creeped into me by then. Moreover ihad also grown up by the time and my thoughts had matured(atleast i thought so). I was into my teenage years when she wanted to play with dolls and all the above mentioned games that i have mentioned. And as a teenager, i admonished such games being played anywhere near me. What would my cool friends think about me if they happen to know i play doll, house, elephant, horsaes etc.. with my little sister. And in no way was i ready to compromise on my prestige, status (typical teenager) in front of my friends.And thus though i loved my sister and adored her more than anything / anyone else in the world, I never showed it out. I jst kept al lthese feelings within me and just saw to it that she was ok always and never had to cry courtesy me.
There are times during my teenage years when i have overheard my sis complaining to mom that "ee achachan'u enne ottum ishtam alla...ente kude onnum kalikilla..baaki elavarudeyum achachan'maaru avarude kude kalikumallo" ("this brother of mine does not like me at all...he doesnt play anything with me...everyone else's brothers' play with them")and these were the times when beads of sweat(out of fear tht she will start hating me) used to form a thin necklace of guilt within me........but ispite of all this i never could manage to go down to her level and play with her...
years passed by..and now at times i feel guilty that me as an elder brother might have deprived my little one from happiness which is really unforgiveable.
Our relation improved specially after i joined college-R.E.C.-Trichy and as the saying goes Distance made the heart grow fonder and things became better and atleast upto my satisfaction level, I was being a better and loving brother...and it has been so till date (touch wood)!!!
Friday entire evening and Sunday till i left Glasgow, she was with me. a real adorable kid. She had long curly locks reachin upto her waist, big round eyes and her tongue was a mile long...!!the spark struck between us the moment i arrived. she got close to me very fast. Soon we were playing Hide n seek, cats n rats, cooking, takin care of baby, house-house..and all possible games that she was conjuring up in her playful little mind. And i just sync'ed with her and went on. It was an amazing feeling just to see that glimmer in her eyes and the smile and laughter coming from a clean pure heart, just tingles in you and even now i can hear her laughter..so innocent..so full..!! We even played Horse and elephant:-)
At a particular moment i felt really bad that i had not been a good brother to my own sister Remya. She was born in 1989, December 2nd when i was almost 9 yrs old. And for me at that point,it was like my kingdom, where i had been supreme king for 8.5 long years...all of a sudden it was being snatched away by this person who had just come into the world. The intial days were filled with rivalry and hatred esp when the entire attention of every other family member..(who upto this point had none else to pamper but me) was turned to her. I just could not tolerate it. There were moments when i used to lock myself up in the room and cry for being ignored, for being thrown out of the lime-light. This was too much of a change for a 9 yr old boy. However as time went by and she started growing up,i started liking her rather loving her. The elder-brother-should-protect-young-sister feeling creeped into me by then. Moreover ihad also grown up by the time and my thoughts had matured(atleast i thought so). I was into my teenage years when she wanted to play with dolls and all the above mentioned games that i have mentioned. And as a teenager, i admonished such games being played anywhere near me. What would my cool friends think about me if they happen to know i play doll, house, elephant, horsaes etc.. with my little sister. And in no way was i ready to compromise on my prestige, status (typical teenager) in front of my friends.And thus though i loved my sister and adored her more than anything / anyone else in the world, I never showed it out. I jst kept al lthese feelings within me and just saw to it that she was ok always and never had to cry courtesy me.
There are times during my teenage years when i have overheard my sis complaining to mom that "ee achachan'u enne ottum ishtam alla...ente kude onnum kalikilla..baaki elavarudeyum achachan'maaru avarude kude kalikumallo" ("this brother of mine does not like me at all...he doesnt play anything with me...everyone else's brothers' play with them")and these were the times when beads of sweat(out of fear tht she will start hating me) used to form a thin necklace of guilt within me........but ispite of all this i never could manage to go down to her level and play with her...
years passed by..and now at times i feel guilty that me as an elder brother might have deprived my little one from happiness which is really unforgiveable.
Our relation improved specially after i joined college-R.E.C.-Trichy and as the saying goes Distance made the heart grow fonder and things became better and atleast upto my satisfaction level, I was being a better and loving brother...and it has been so till date (touch wood)!!!
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