A major source of stress in your life is the “fear of rejection” or fear of criticism. This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call “conditional love.”
Rise Above The Need For Approval
Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high standard.
Avoid Type A Behavior
Drs. Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists, have defined this obsession for performance as “Type A behavior.” Experts have concluded that approximately 60% of men and as many as 30% of women are people with Type A behavior.
Don't Burn Yourself Out
This Type A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People who are what they call “true Type A's” usually put so much pressure on themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55. This Type A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.
Work Arounds
Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.
First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or over concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.
Second, refuse to be over concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life.
Get yourself involved in something apart from just work, work n more work!!
(ps. this was something i got from Brian Tracy)
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
D-day - gone and another day Dawns!!
The long wait is finally over and I didnt make it through ISB. Feb 28th was a looong wait for everyone in India - there was ofcourse the Budget 2006 be presented by hon. finance minister Chidambaram but then for few 2000 others, it was the day when the results of the Round 2 of ISB were to be announced!!And surprise, they had already sent the admmit mails on previous day. This i came to know when i checked the isb-pgp yahoo group mails, where ppl where throwing arnd "Congrats" and "i am thru" mails..
Anyway then started the wait for the "waitlisted" mail which was due to be sent on 28th. And lo - that day too bygone with not even a single mail!! So there goes ISB into the horizon, once again (i was a re-applicant from last yr). Just heard today that Anuj got a "waitlisted" mail. Hope n pray the best for that dude.
Well this was not to be just another D-day, there was more to come. I got into office and came to know that they were sending promotion mails (job band change) to everyone who were eligible for the same. Surprise again..this was my day - I didnt get one, though guys who joined after me and along with me got their promotion letters, i was doomed to remain a software engineer for another six months:P Well as far as my understanding goes, getting this promotion now or in december, does not matter much coz monetarily both the promotion groups (now n decembers) get salary promotion (personal Band change) only next April!!:)))So that was the only relief i had for the day.
Now the only reason for the above, i could figure out in my little left sanity was that i had NOT passed a certification exam in finance/stocks (NCFM)sometime last october!! Why had i not passed when so many others had? coz i had lots n lots n lots of responsibilities, work which i could not ignore - lame excuse i guess. The end result of being sincere to work, i did not clear certification and hence maybe denied the promotion:P I even checked with my manager and she said she was surprised that i didnt get one and "promised" me that she would check as to why i was denied!!
Well the icing on the cake was when late in the evening, i get a call from some recruitment agency and the dude asks me where i work and in what field - i told him Infy- Mainframes. He asks me "mallu" whether i was willing to jump to IBM? i asked him my scope/ salary..and guess what he says ?? His response verbatim- "I suggest you stay in Infy. Its far better company - paywise/ opportunity wise comapred to IBM". There goes my inclination to jump from Infy!!:)
The world is not a fair place to live in , i guess. But then thats what every other dick (Tom, dick n harry - too long to type) says when things go against his favour!!!
Another day is here - nothing eventful, rather uneventful has happened till now. Oh no!! hold on - how can my streak of "good luck" not continue. My senior manager calls me and says there is an immediate onsite opportunity and that he needed me to go, esp since i had not got thru ISB now (i had delayed my onsite chances courtesy waiting for the result). I nodded yes to him and got back to my seat and then it struck me - any guesses??? My UK work-permit visa expired YESTERDAY!!!! I hate 28th February, 2006!! Well looking forward to many more "brighter" happenings for the day!!
Currently I am having a Mocachillo(a special mixture of iced espresso with chocolate and ice cream and whipped cream), sitting back n reviewing a code written by a fresher in my project. Who knows tomo , he may be my boss:P Anything is possible in the IT industry!!
Ciao!
Anyway then started the wait for the "waitlisted" mail which was due to be sent on 28th. And lo - that day too bygone with not even a single mail!! So there goes ISB into the horizon, once again (i was a re-applicant from last yr). Just heard today that Anuj got a "waitlisted" mail. Hope n pray the best for that dude.
Well this was not to be just another D-day, there was more to come. I got into office and came to know that they were sending promotion mails (job band change) to everyone who were eligible for the same. Surprise again..this was my day - I didnt get one, though guys who joined after me and along with me got their promotion letters, i was doomed to remain a software engineer for another six months:P Well as far as my understanding goes, getting this promotion now or in december, does not matter much coz monetarily both the promotion groups (now n decembers) get salary promotion (personal Band change) only next April!!:)))So that was the only relief i had for the day.
Now the only reason for the above, i could figure out in my little left sanity was that i had NOT passed a certification exam in finance/stocks (NCFM)sometime last october!! Why had i not passed when so many others had? coz i had lots n lots n lots of responsibilities, work which i could not ignore - lame excuse i guess. The end result of being sincere to work, i did not clear certification and hence maybe denied the promotion:P I even checked with my manager and she said she was surprised that i didnt get one and "promised" me that she would check as to why i was denied!!
Well the icing on the cake was when late in the evening, i get a call from some recruitment agency and the dude asks me where i work and in what field - i told him Infy- Mainframes. He asks me "mallu" whether i was willing to jump to IBM? i asked him my scope/ salary..and guess what he says ?? His response verbatim- "I suggest you stay in Infy. Its far better company - paywise/ opportunity wise comapred to IBM". There goes my inclination to jump from Infy!!:)
The world is not a fair place to live in , i guess. But then thats what every other dick (Tom, dick n harry - too long to type) says when things go against his favour!!!
Another day is here - nothing eventful, rather uneventful has happened till now. Oh no!! hold on - how can my streak of "good luck" not continue. My senior manager calls me and says there is an immediate onsite opportunity and that he needed me to go, esp since i had not got thru ISB now (i had delayed my onsite chances courtesy waiting for the result). I nodded yes to him and got back to my seat and then it struck me - any guesses??? My UK work-permit visa expired YESTERDAY!!!! I hate 28th February, 2006!! Well looking forward to many more "brighter" happenings for the day!!
Currently I am having a Mocachillo(a special mixture of iced espresso with chocolate and ice cream and whipped cream), sitting back n reviewing a code written by a fresher in my project. Who knows tomo , he may be my boss:P Anything is possible in the IT industry!!
Ciao!
No more free mails??????
Today almost evry Tom, Dick and harry uses emails/ web for all his/ her activities - be it keeping mai, chatting, news - its difficult to think what is not available on the www world now..anything you name and there would be some site or the other that would have it!!
Well i guess the internet has made all of us so dependent on it that the business minded dudes are slowly making a move to start charging the users for every service that they use. Yeah!! you heard me right - guys have started thinking about charging. soon the day will come when you will be charged for emails, for chatting for so many hours - and the initiators in this thinking process is currently none other than dudes from Microsoft. These guys never get fed up with every pence they earn that they want to create more n more wealth!!
Well I hope they go down to the deepest hell , if ever they actually start charging the consumers for the services that they provide!!The biggest question in this context would be are the consumers so dependent on the internet that they would go to any extent - read as paying 60 pounds a year (approx 4500 INR) - to get these services?? I read somewhere that even yahoo/ aol are also planning on the same!! They intend to charge extra for services like identifying a mail as junk and filtering it to your junk box or otherwise to your inbox.
Would you actually pay for services like the above? I'd rather go to my junk mail, and move necessary mails to my inbox rather than pay 4500 bucks a year just to avoid this. But then u never know - its the human mind which is much more varied and diverse than anything else i ever know!!! If they get atleast 50% of the junta to pay up for the services, i am sure they would succeed.
Anyway lets see where this leads to!! I wonder, how come there aren't any forwards which say " forward this to 10 ppl to prevent microsoft from charging the customers for its services":P lmao!!!
Well i guess the internet has made all of us so dependent on it that the business minded dudes are slowly making a move to start charging the users for every service that they use. Yeah!! you heard me right - guys have started thinking about charging. soon the day will come when you will be charged for emails, for chatting for so many hours - and the initiators in this thinking process is currently none other than dudes from Microsoft. These guys never get fed up with every pence they earn that they want to create more n more wealth!!
Well I hope they go down to the deepest hell , if ever they actually start charging the consumers for the services that they provide!!The biggest question in this context would be are the consumers so dependent on the internet that they would go to any extent - read as paying 60 pounds a year (approx 4500 INR) - to get these services?? I read somewhere that even yahoo/ aol are also planning on the same!! They intend to charge extra for services like identifying a mail as junk and filtering it to your junk box or otherwise to your inbox.
Would you actually pay for services like the above? I'd rather go to my junk mail, and move necessary mails to my inbox rather than pay 4500 bucks a year just to avoid this. But then u never know - its the human mind which is much more varied and diverse than anything else i ever know!!! If they get atleast 50% of the junta to pay up for the services, i am sure they would succeed.
Anyway lets see where this leads to!! I wonder, how come there aren't any forwards which say " forward this to 10 ppl to prevent microsoft from charging the customers for its services":P lmao!!!
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